Marilyn Tonkon
Marilyn Tonkon was born in Dallas in 1931 and spent her earliest years in South Dallas, on Park Row and Wendelkin, before her family moved to Highland Park when she was nine or ten. Her father had come to Dallas from Chicago with his mother, who opened a delicatessen called Chicago Deli on Commerce Street, just down from Neiman Marcus. Her father worked in janitorial supplies, later in the stock market, and was a devoted card player who spent afternoons at gin rummy in the Adolphus Hotel. Marilyn's mother came from a large immigrant family that arrived through the port of Galveston in the early 20th century, with roots traced to the Ukraine, and her grandfather established a fruit and vegetable business in Dallas.
Marilyn attended the University of Texas and, while engaged to Maury Rolnik during his Army service in Korea, worked for about a year and a half at the downtown Neiman Marcus store, where she came to admire Stanley Marcus and his emphasis on service. She and Maury had three children, two daughters born in Dallas and a son born in Longview, and lived for about six years in East Texas where Maury's family operated a fur felt hat business. She recalled with deep affection Burvey Moore, a longtime household helper from Arkansas who remained part of the family until her death in 1996.
After her divorce, Marilyn discovered her own sense of self by building a career, entering interior design after a brief venture in party planning. That business lasted nearly 45 years and became a lasting passion. In 1988 she married Max Edward, whom she had known since childhood, and together they counted five children, six grandchildren, and a great-grandchild on the way. Marilyn was active in Dallas Jewish life, beginning at Temple Emanu-El, where she was confirmed, and taking part in the Sisterhood, National Council of Jewish Women, and a Brandeis book project. She encouraged the next generation to stay interested, stay connected, and take time to enjoy life.
Full Transcript
1931 Dallas, Texas. Let's go back. Talk to me about when you were just a little girl. Well, when I was a very little girl, the first thing that I remember was living, and I think I remember it because I saw snapshots of me being held in my mother's arm in the driveway of a very small house or duplex on Park Row in South Dallas. I do remember living on Wendelkin in South Dallas, two places. I don't remember the first address because I think I was only about four when we were there. 38-16. It's no longer there. I've tried to go back, and it's either totally been rebuilt or - anyway, it's under a freeway somewhere.
very confusing out there so but very nostalgic and you know it really tugs at my heartstrings what did your parents do my dad had moved here from Chicago with his mother and she opened a delicatessen on Commerce Street just down from Neiman Marcus and it was called the Chicago Deli I really don't remember going there but I remember hearing about it a lot and then of course then daddy went into what we call then a disinfectant company which was janitorial supplies but it was basically his one man plus a couple of assistants operation and my daddy really loved to play cards He was a pretty big-time gambler in his day, was a real Las Vegas lover.
They would send planes for him. And he used to love gin rummy, too. He had a gin rummy pal, and they played every afternoon in the Adolphus Hotel, the whole variety club. And sadly, I don't really know a lot of history about my father. I know a lot more about my mother and where she came from and family connections. But when I was engaged to Maury Rolnik, I worked at Neiman's. He was in Korea and we were engaged and I had to do something. So where else would I go but Neiman Marcus. And I worked there and I remember after work I would walk down to the Adolphus which is just a couple blocks away and I wait for Daddy to finish his gym game and then we would come home And then after that he went into the stock market and he did very nicely there I think it had a relationship, stocks to gambling, so he really loved that.
He thrived at it. Did the depression affect your family at all? Oh, tremendously. My sister, Lois, constantly reminds me that I don't remember the depression because she was born in 24. She's seven years older than I am. I just remember hearing about it. Do you remember your grandparents' fall on your dad's side? My grandmother, her name was Doris Borkin, B-O-R-K-O-N. We called our grandmothers Bobby. She was Bobby Borkin. She was a very robust woman. kind of typical of what I think Eastern European generational women looked like at that time. And I wasn't as close to her as I was to my mother's mother, who I was very close to.
And she was just Bobby. Now that you know your grandfather on your dad's side? No, my grandfathers were both deceased. Tell me about your grandmother on your mom's side. Her name was Ethel Mosesman. She came from, to my knowledge, Chernobyl in the Ukraine. And she had ten children. My mother was the youngest. And mother was four when Bobby came, when she came to this country. and the whole family came through the port of Galveston, which was only open to immigration or Jewish immigration for 10 years, and it was approximately the first decade of the 20th century. And the family, being so large, came in, I think, probably three groups.
My grandfather came first with probably the older sons anyway. Then I don't know who came in the middle probably, the middle group of children. And then my grandmother and Bobby Mosesman came into Galveston. My grandfather was establishing a fruit and vegetable business in Dallas The story goes that he and his brother came first and somewhere along the way had an argument And my grandfather came to Dallas and his brother went to Monroe-Lubisiana. So we later reconnected with that family and it was a good connection. Do you know how your family wound up in Dallas? You had some Chicago roots, Galveston roots. How did they wind up in Dallas?
I think they just got off the boat and started going. I don't know that they had a sponsorship or they just were going to go someplace. You know, Dallas was very small then. We see Dallas as a very modern, vibrant, major city in the world. What was it like in the 30s when you were growing up? Well, it was under 200,000 people because I remember it as a teenager being about 200,000, 250,000. and I really don't remember that much about it because I was very young and we moved from South Dallas to Highland Park when I was, I think, 9 or 10 years old and of course my strongest memories are from that Now, whatever happened to the deli downtown?
I don't know if it was sold or closed How did World War II affect you? You were just a small girl when the war broke out Well, I was in junior high, high school and I remember rationing and I remember everybody gathered around the radio. I don't specifically remember December 7th, but obviously I lived there and knew how terrible it was. There was such a tension in the country, in the city, in the country, and we were so gung-ho and so American. and I think it really forged the patriotism and nationalism that I still have for me and for my generation. We loved this country, and we weren't going to let it down.
And I was very young, but that was the sense that I have with me today that I have then. Now, after high school, tell me about it. Let's pick it up from there. I went to the University of Texas. Okay. And after the University of Texas, I was engaged to Maury Rolnick. Now did you meet him at UT? No, I met him when I was still in high school. Okay. But we didn date until I was in college We got engaged and he went to Korea and I went to work at Neiman Marcus for probably the year he was there year and a half Did he ever have any stories about Korea?
He was in the accounting department, so he wasn't really on the front lines, but it was really funny. He didn't play cards particularly, but he said there was kind of a traveling poker game that was under the radar, so to speak. And he was the accountant for it. So I think they were forced out of business along the way. Tell me about Neiman Marcus. Downtown was the only store. And I wanted a job. And I can't remember if my dad had any influence because I got a job very easily there. but he probably knew somebody who knew somebody, and we did know the Marcus family.
So as a matter of fact, I got, and I still have it, a magnificent Stubin cake plate from Stanley Marcus when Maury and I were married. I worked on the mezzanine, which was the junior department, and it was a very exciting store. It was service first. It really was already, I think, nationally known, and Stanley Marcus was making a name for himself as just the most incredible marketing genius that ever was because of the service policy and his influence even then, and that was 1950. So he was probably at close to the top of his talent, or at the top of his talent, which he was for many years.
But anyway, it was a fun place to work. And how long did you stay there? Just a year, year and a half. I was biding my time. You and Maury had three children. We had three children. And where did you guys settle down? We lived, I always lived in Dallas, except for a brief stint in East Texas. Maury's father's business was a men's hat company. His father actually built a factory in Garland, Texas when Garland, Texas was the end of the world from Dallas. Why in the world would anybody go there? But they had what they called a fur felt company or factory in East Texas because of the water availability and I guess the quality of it.
So we lived there for about six years. He's of domestic help in my generation that is long gone. The first domestic help I had had been my mother's help when I was a child and she came and took care of my first daughter, helped me with her. But then we made a contact with another woman who I think she started working for us when Laura, my first daughter, was maybe two, two and a half. And she stayed with me until she died in 1996. And she was our family. The old Southern custom, the old Southern habit of connecting with domestics, which doesn't exist today either.
and I, you know, the movie Gone with the Wind, it wasn't quite like that, but the connection was there. And she called, and when we moved to Longview, my second child was just a year old, and she'd been with us three or four years by then. And I said, well, we're leaving, and I said, you know, if you would come and just help me get started and fix the house, and then you can come back to Dallas. and she did and I said well we're you know basically we're done she stayed a week I guess and she said well you didn't ask me if I wanted to stay I said well I just didn't think you would want to she says yes I want to stay and she stayed with me till 1996 her name was Burvey Moore and she was from Arkansas and she was I would say, Burby, sit down and have lunch with us.
Burby, sit down and have dinner with us. Sit down. She would not. She would stand at the counter. She'd eat when we were eating, but she would not sit down with us. She'd sit down. She never would. That's the old culture. And my two girls were born in Dallas, and my son was born in Longview. Now, that marriage ended in a divorce. It did. And then what did you do from there? I knew that I wanted to work. I always wanted to work. I always had this drive to be productive. And for some women whom I envy, being a mother is what they're all about.
I was never satisfied just staying at home being a mother I always wanted to do something So when my kids were a little bit older I have two friends Very briefly we went into a party planning business. And then one of the women moved with her husband out of Dallas. and I had said to my other partner, I've always wanted to be in interior design because it's something that I love. My mother had fabulous taste. She was a genteel, exquisite woman, and she had beautiful taste, and I think her love of it and hopefully her creative gene passed down to me somewhat. And I just started, I never went to, there were no schools.
You could go to Parsons in New York and there was a Paris school. But there were no design schools then. And I thought, I'm just going to see what I can do. And I said to my partner, I want to do it. Do you want to do it? And very briefly she did. And then we parted ways and I went on. and that was almost 45 years ago. So I've been very fortunate. I made some really good friends out of original clients, and it's like any business. Some of it's wonderful, some of it's not. That's business. But what I love about it, number one, is I started to compare projects, especially when I had the opportunity to start from basically the ground up, kind of like having a baby because when it's all done and said, you have this great, great adrenaline burst that is so satisfying.
If your clients are happy, you're happy. and it's really, it's kind of a love that I can't get out of my system. Some of the other stuff I've passed along to people who work with me, but I still love doing it and I still love the people I associate with. Tell me about when you met this guy, Max Edward. Max Edward Well Max Edward and I we known each other on and off In fact he and his wife and Maury and I were not good friends but friendly And I knew Max from high school days We went to the same grade school, the same high school, the same university.
So Max is four years older than I am. So when we were in grade school, he was already gone to junior high. And when he was in high school, I was in junior high. So we really, you know, four years at that age is a pretty big gap so we just kind of knew each other and then after we were both single and had lived a single life a good friend of ours daughter was getting married and my mother and I were invited to the wedding and it was at Temple Emanuel. Max came in and they were he and his sister came in and they were a little bit late and they sat down next to us and at the reception afterwards Max came up to me and I was standing there holding a drink in both hands and he started talking to me because Matt can talk and I finally said to him if you want to talk to me later come and find me because I'm taking this to my mother and the ice is melting and he came and found me and the rest is history.
What year did you guys get married? 1988 January 10th 1988. Happiest time in your life? I kind of describe my life as going from somebody's daughter to somebody's wife to somebody's mother, but never to myself. And I don't think it was the happiest time of my life, but it's when I found myself was when I was single and building a business. And I had to find myself. And I basically said, you make it or you don't, and you have a choice. And I thought, okay, I'm going to make it. and that was kind of my focus and I developed a self-esteem that I had never had and it's been a good thing for me.
In your lifetime there's been so much advancement in technology. What's come along over the years that you said wow how did we get along without that? Well the cell phone mainly only because of the ease and the speed of connection but I resent it because I really think it's replaced human conversational intercourse. I think that we have lost as a generation as a life the ability to communicate to talk to sit to not have to be busy every single minute of every single day When my kids were little, obviously the back door was open. They were in and out. They played. First of all, we didn't have to guard them.
And the other thing was that they weren't programmed every day from school to bedtime. And I think it's taken away a lot of creativity that we as a nation complain about with entrepreneurial operations, people who are creative, who think, who reflect, who focus. Where is our focus? What was it that you used to do that your parents never knew you were sneaking out to go do? The only thing that I remember that was really bad, I used to ice skate. And Mother would drop me at the ice skating rink, and I would skate. And one day this young man from Forney, Texas, came up, and he started talking to me.
I mean, we were 13, 14 years old, and he developed a real crush on me, and we would see each other on Saturdays when we'd skate. But he wasn't Jewish. And I never told my mother about him, and I finally said to him, and he gave me a handkerchief. I don't know what happened to it, but he gave me a handkerchief. And I never, ever said anything to anybody about this young man. He's very sweet. You broke his heart. I broke his heart. And you've lived through so many momentous occasions. Of course, you know, you touched on the Great Depression, but World War II, President Kennedy assassination, something good, the moon landing for the first time in 69, tragedy of 9-11.
Was there something on the national scene that really stood out that affected you that you remember exactly where you were when it happened? Oh, several things, Kennedy particularly, and I was the era that I was living in Longview. Tell me about your involvement in the Jewish community here in Dallas. I started out at Temple Emanuel I know that we originally belong to Sheriff Israel, and I think I because Lois my sister was confirmed there, but I think I was always I don't ever remember going there. I went to Temple and I was confirmed there. And I was involved with the Sisterhood, with, oh, I remember, a bulb project, flower bulb project.
I was a member of council. There used to be a Brandeis book club here, Brandeis University Association. It was a book drive, basically. It was based on collecting books and having a book sale. And I was involved in that. And when we moved to Longview, I was president of the very small sisterhood there and worked fairly actively there because it was a small community and they needed all the help they could get. When I came back to Dallas, that's actually when I was involved with Brandeis and sisterhood more actively. When my children were, before we moved to Longview, I mean, my kids were little. They were, I think, five and two.
So I wasn't just, I wasn't terribly involved with them. After I was divorced and I started working, I really didn't have time. Honestly, I still had children at home. And I didn have time to do much nonprofit work So I really focused on and grew my business Okay Marilyn, you and Max together have five kids, three of your own. Max had two of his own, so your family has five children. Right. Six grandchildren. Exactly. Five biological for you, one biological for Max. And a great-grandchild on the way. On the way. On the way. So what advice do you have for the next generation? Stay interested, stay close, stay off of the computer and the cell phone and the iPad a little bit.
My grandson, whose child this will be, is very active. They live in Seattle, so they're very outdoor active, which I think is wonderful. And I just think that I hope that they don't program every minute of every day and they take some time. to enjoy life. Stop and smell the roses. I mean, I know that's a very old cliche, but it's so true. Just look at the flowers. Look at the mountains when you're in the mountains. Look at spring coming out again. Look at the color of the leaves. It's real important. Well, thanks for doing this today. Thank you. Thank you.